(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,
From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,
I’m happy — although
My boss let me go –
Happily addicted to Stumble.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There’s beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to Stumble!
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
(more…)
1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,
“may I borrow a highlighter?”
2. Say, “uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t have put my lips on that.”
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with
a bodily function noise.
(more…)
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time”, he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
(more…)
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going into retrieve it.”
(more…)
