PAPAZOO

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make “housework” easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

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1. The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.

2. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

3. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

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It’s sad seeing people at their most vulnerable, and people are the most vulnerable when being arrested. Below is a collection of some interesting and amusing mug shots.

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This has to be the funniest telemarketer prank call I’ve ever heard. You gotta listen to this, you’ll be on the floor rolling with laughter.

A US robber has been dubbed the Duct Tape Bandit after trying to raid an off licence with his head wrapped in sticky tape.

He came unstuck when the owner showed him some tape of his own, which was wrapped around a wooden bat, reports Sky News.

Bill Steele, owner of the store in Huntington, West Virginia, said: “Duct tape? It’s just unbelievable, people don’t think this really happened.

“He probably had every opportunity to put a bag over his head and poke holes in it.”

Store employee Craig Miller chased the man to the parking lot, tackled him and held him in a choke hold until police arrived.

Kasey G Kazee, 24, was charged with first-degree robbery, according to Ashland Police Sergeant Mark McDowell.

Photos of Kazee, taken by police at the scene, show the suspect with his duct tape askew, his lip bloody and his eye swollen. Miller said Kazee sustained the injuries when his face hit the ground.

However, in a TV interview, he denied being the person who took two rolls of change.

He said: “Look, do I look like the duct tape bandit baby? I’m not no duct tape bandit baby.

“You are hearing me live one-on-one in Ashland, Kentucky. You know this is not me. Now look, do the math, do the homework man.”